The Solution

First and foremost, I want to note that everything in this blog goes to Jesus. I owe my life to Him. This debt reaches back to before I was born. Starting when He created me and then when He died on the cross to save me from my sins. The debt stretches to when He kept my mom determined to have another child after two miscarriages. Finally, every day that I continue to miss the mark and fall short of the glory of God, my debt to Jesus Christ deepens. For this, I give Him (and only Him) my life as I strive to hand over complete control. 

Sitting in church, as the pastor talked about strengthening your relationship with Christ through prayer, digging through the Bible, and meditating. He said something along the lines of, “What’s the one thing you don’t want to talk to God about? Talk about that first.” It was then that God reminded me that I have a lot to work through.

He also inspired a solution.

I realized that while people keep telling me to talk about what’s going on in my head. To a therapist or spiritual leader. I realized that I really, really don’t want to. I know…that’s probably going to have to happen eventually. For now, I’ll stick with the gift God gave me. Writing. 

For some reason, expressing my thoughts and feelings to the ones I love, and those I trust, just doesn’t work for me. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, I feel silly spilling my complaints out. But also, while opening up my mind for investigation, a wall is constructed so that I never get down to the real stuff. 

(That’s sort of frowned upon in therapy by the way)

Then God whispered another hint. Blogging.

I have two other blogs that I maintain on a on-again-off-again basis, so I'm familiar with how it works. One of them is a poetry blog. There, I’ll post anything. No matter how personal, or honest.

For some unknown reason, I’m much more comfortable spilling my guts and working out my problems to a blog than I am to a person. (I guess a lot of people are like that…) In a way, I guess it’s more private. It’s closer to just me and God straightening things out. Only with a lot of other people allowed to watch.

This blog will be my writing therapy. I’ll probably post once a week (a pace I’m hoping I’ll be able to keep up even during school). Basically, an online, open, honest, journal devoted to helping me think stuff out and to strengthening my relationship with Jesus Christ.